hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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