Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
