Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Pants are for mortals
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
