My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
