I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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