so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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