when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
