I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize