I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
dude. I can hear the air.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
