Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
