he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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