I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
