dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
