Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
