you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
