well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
