you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
