Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize