just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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