never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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