Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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