I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize