Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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