Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
