I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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