I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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