I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
