I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
