i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
