Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
