we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
