i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
