If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
