Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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