I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
