At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
