I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize