You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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