too bad you live with your parents still
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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