Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Boobs speak an international language.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
