i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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