Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
