4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
