Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
