I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
