While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
