how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
