Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
