i can't believe i had my finger in that
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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