I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
