The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize