Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
NoShamevember. You game?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
