Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
