I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize