I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
