Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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