You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
