What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
