So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it because I queefed?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
