I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
