I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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