It's like a parade of train wrecks.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
