I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
