Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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