so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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