today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
