You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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