I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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